Why can't parents travel, date new people, have ridiculously cool hobbies, read, and talk to random people on the street?

As far as conversation topics go, my friends and I rarely spend more than a few minutes here and there discussing our kids. We all have much more interesting things to talk about and kids don't really come up.

I guess you're extrapolating too much based on your own personal experience.

I won't argue that there are no parents who bore you, but fundamentally that isn't due to being a parent.

Before I had kids I used to travel and voluntarily fight in foreign warzones, go into dangerous ghettos in countries like Paraguay, and go deep into forest for weeks in freezing weather that either a young child can't reliably survive or that the mother would never allow. Any of these things would most definitely get child services called were I to actually share I brought I child in that activity.

Those are the things that brought joy and interest to my life.

Can you explain how I can do those things as a parent? Parenthood is the long stride on low gear. Before I may have been mugged or killed in a barrio or shot by ISIS but it was far more interesting.

I think a lot of parents lie to themselves. You can always a borrow a or foster a kid if you want to do kid activities, but you can't just get rid of your own kid. On that alone your life becomes much less interesting, at least in my case. If the things you find interesting are child friendly, your mileage may vary.

I do try to take the conversation away from children when talking to fellow parents but there's a percentage of which you can't derail because they have little to offer to talk about other than children.

I don't think volunteering to fight in warzones is compatible with being a parent, but it's also not something relevant to the experience of almost any person here :) The number of people who choose to do things like that is small.

Most hobbies and goals are compatible with being a parent. Yours are not. If anybody else here reads this from a warzone they've entered voluntarily, don't take my comments above as relevant to you :)

It sounds like you're struggling quite a bit with the change of pace. I know a couple of people who have voluntarily fought in foreign warzones and travelled conflict areas, and neither are coping well with being home in the mundane. I hope you can find something that helps. Therapy might if you can find somebody good.

Thank you for the advice friend, and well wishes to you and your family.

That stuff is all very interesting.

It's not necessarily more interesting than raising a child. But for some people it may be.

Absolutely, depends on the person really. Personally I find raising a child extremely boring and unfulfilling. For some it isn't. 95% of the people I know could have basically fit a child into their life by altering their schedules and priorities. If the things that actually brought your life meaning are absolutely incompatible with children, however, children are a much harder pill to swallow. You basically just have to wait down the clock until life resumes, because the only other 'option' is abandoning the child. Like a prisoner, I serve my 18 year sentence for the mistake I made -- it's no one else's fault but my own and now I have to live up to the commitment for the sake of the child.

I guess it's not surprising people have different tastes in activities in life.

> Why can't parents travel, date new people, have ridiculously cool hobbies, read, and talk to random people on the street?

because all that stuff costs time and money.

realistically, you'd need to make enough money to cover the kid's stuff and saving. if you have anything left after that, only then can you devote anything to travel or hobbies.

I'm currently in the same boat as the guy above. what I make could comfortable support a family but I can instead help my girlfriend pay for college and hop between countries whenever I feel like it while pursuing learning electronics. I wouldn't be able to do these things if I was stuck paying rent on a house and covering food/ activities for a child.

You're right that it costs time and money, but I don't see that as proof that parents have to stop living their own lives or become boring.

I do all the things listed above. I also have kids. They aren't incompatible.

The biggest lesson I learnt when we had our first kid was that I really wasn't as efficient at spending my time and money as I'd thought. Once the time constraints hit I became a lot more intentional about how I invested both, and the quality of my personal achievements has gone up as a result.

Don't have kids until/unless you're ready, but don't assume they're going to destroy your personal life either. There's lots of room for personal goals and growth even with kids. You still have a lot of control over your own life. After the first year of chaos anyway :)