“Friendships take place in this larger context where there’s a status hierarchy,” she told me. “Kids know very well which kinds of kids are friends with one another and where they stand in that overall status hierarchy.”
That's a very insighful comment. One of my ex's (who was otherwise a rather terrible person) absolutely poured herself into making sure that her daughters were well-liked and did well in this game. I think it's one of the best things she's done.
At least in Australia, being great at sport is a pretty reliable way to being popular as a teenager. You have to get kids into sport much earlier than middle school though to get them great.
I had a male friend with a mother that did that. As a child I didn’t recognize it, but as it was explained to me in adulthood, the reason he played guitar, got quarterback lessons, and started to hang out in groups with cooler kids (or at least larger and larger groups of kids) was because his mother was orchestrating the whole thing to make him more popular.
I’m pretty sure that put enormous pressure on him and filled him with anxieties. Last I heard he dropped out of undergrad, and his sisters all look like they have eating disorders.
I wouldn’t try to touch my kid’s social status with a ten foot pole, aside from perhaps ensuring they have at least an average level of wealth relative to their peers. If anything popularity needs to be downplayed
Even monkeys and primates have it. Humans definitely have it, there are cliques, in-groups, out-groups, trying to get into various groups...it's obviously a culture at each school, but since it's observed in monkeys and primates, we know it's somewhat natural for humans.
Huh. I never knew such a thing existed.